Slow Motion
Ever since I can remember, I've been watching British film classics like 'Bedknobs and Broomsticks', 'Sound of Music', 'My Fair Lady', and all sorts. And as I grew up I watched the newer ones, like 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' etc, and 'Love Actually', stuff like that. Of course I watch American films as well, but I always wait for the Christmas films by the British, I don't really know why...
On top of this, my parents have filled my head with stories of love and excitement from their younger days as a couple in England. Studying, struggling together. And 6 years later, marrying. And now, after 28 years (and counting) still telling us the same stories that still give me the goosebumps. All these little images in my head, growing over time. And all my life, I've known that one day, I'm going to the UK to study. I'm going to make my own stories. And here I am...
Expectations not completely met. Stories of grandeur now not seen the same. The Christmas spirit, not as I imagined. One thing that hasn't yet lost its place on my list is that I've always wanted to live a few minutes of my life in slow motion. Yes naive I know. One thing that just couldn't possibly happen. And yet, now I know why snow is o magical =)
I was outside today, buying some food essentials and walked slowly through the snow listening to the *crunch*crunch*crunch* sound that my footsteps made. Telling myself that I should really wake up earlier so that I don't miss the snow falling in the day. But as I thought of this, it started snowing. So I walked even slower... And finally just stopped. I looked up and watched the snow fall... Or rather swirl and twirl slowly above my head. Never seeming to touch the ground. It was so slow... So calm. My breathing followed its rhythm. I don't know whether it was just the hood over my head or if it really was quiet [but seeing as this post is starting to sound like a fairy tale, lets just say it went quiet suddenly =) ] Everything didn't go still, it just slowed down. It really did... The flakes that did everything it could to postpone its landing, made me feel like the world was moving slower. And without realizing it, I had been standing there long enough that I was a good replica of a 5 foot snowman. Time went by quickly, but slowly as well. I did not feel the time pass, but I felt as if it did not.
I don't know... It was weird. I must be the only one who has such a naive fascination with snow, but I don't care. I'm 20 years old, and I'm in University. I'm engaged, and I can no longer see the 'coolness' of sleeping late. But this doesn't stop me from enjoying my life when something comes along. The only difference between me playing in the snow today, then what I would've been like if I had had the chance to play when I was 5, is that bending over to roll the snowman's body through the snow to make it into a reasonable size, wouldn't have been so painful =)
Well, anyway, I've got to go now. Seeing as I've spent an hour in the snow today, and 30 minutes writing all this down, when I should've been studying since the 16th, it really is time to hit the books. LoL.
How a little precipitation made my day....
The past few days haven't been the greatest. Back in Brunei, even when you didn't have anything to do, you had family, friends, a significant other, someone to make your day a little more memorable. Here,when you're alone, you're alone. When campus is empty, it really is. Even the fridges are raided and emptied. Your only form of entertainment (i.e. TV) is locked up in the same room that the vending machines (and therefore the chocolates) are! it is a sad case yes?LoL...well,of course there's reading,and the internet. Unfortunately these two cannot come together...because internet separates you from your books!EEk...but anyhow...The worst thing i guess is that no matter how hard you work, or how lazy you are, nothing good or bad immediately happens to you. There will be repercussions in the long run, but nothing at that specific moment will happen to you. You will not get rewarded or punished. You can't even talk to anyone (using your voice box) about these things, because everyone's gone. But for me, there are my loyal and good good friends who are online and care about me. Thanks Mel!you've been there for me at my loneliest times, and the worst times, and you made the most mundane days the best times for me. Thanks babes...I love you loads,and i owe a huge one!!(a huge favour and hug!hehe...)
It hasn't been all bad, but it has definitely not been all good. Being online and chatting is great. But it's when you lie in bed and realise that all you did that day was wake up, shower, eat and chat until it's time to go to bed. heck, that's what i'm doing now! Hehe...but yea..I've become, i don't know...alone. I must be the only one really freaking out about this whole 'alone' thing. No one else i know who's going through the same shit is freaking out as much as i am. Maybe it's because i've always been used to a full house. Plus, for those who don't know me, I am vErY talkative. Verbal diarrhea i tell you.
Anyway, for some reason, i felt worse today. i feel slightly ill, i think my hormones are messed up, and i haven't been eating healthily mostly because there isn't anything left in the fridge but cheese, mayo, eggs, and salad dressings.and shops don't open till wednesday...
i tried to distract myself, i try and call my boyfriend, the phone card is not cooperating...ok...try again...hmm...not working. After the 15th time, I was a little edgy,so i just called the expensive way. Then after a not so emotionally satisfying convo with him, i call my bestfriend in japan. we talk and I find out that she's doing way better than I am. Which is great. It makes me happy to know that, but I can't but help feel envious. Ashamed. Sad. And nostalgic.
I say my goodbyes, I hang up the phone, and *sigh*. Time for another convo with the boyfriend. hang up*sigh* Feeling slightly better. Go online, and see that everyone's somewhere, doing something, having fun *sigh*
Before permanently engraving my ass print on my chair while watching a little frasier, i decided to make some toast. As i waited with an oven mit, ready to catch the toast as it flies out of the toaster, my eyes wandered around the kitchen (as they say,a watched pot never boils) and landing my eyes finally on the view outside my window, i thought "great,it's raining..." but then i looked again...and i saw that it wasn't rain, it was a different kind of precipitation...it was snow!!!!
I dumped the oven mit, left the toast to fly, put on my shoes and coat (backward and upside down no doubt) hobbled down the steps and ran into the freezing cold. I spread my arms, tilted my head back and opened my mouth. Twirling as i walked, uncontrollably laughing. And i as i laughed and twirled, and tasted a melting flake on my tongue, I started to cry (honestly,my hormones are messed up). i cried and just breathed in the cold air. i was the only one enjoying the snow. i walked around my college, but very careful not to step in the snow. i stood outside for 15minutes, trying to make the best of the snow. And when it stopped i was sad. but then i looked down,and though there was only 5 millimeters of snow on the ground, i crouched down and scooped up as much as i could and sculpted it into a perfectly spherical snowball...my fingers turned blue as i admired the amazing phenomenon that sat in my palms. i cupped my hands protecting the snowball...cradling it...laughing and twirling expecting to see someone to tell them, "look look! it's a snowball! i made a snowball!" finally after a few minutes my body registered the fact that it couldn't feel my fingers anymore, and said, "fingers.pain." and i had to cradle it with my arms hidden in the sleeves of my coat.
i walked onto the pavement by the main road just to see what it was like...and it was white...white roads, white grass, white cars parked along the side of the road. One single girl from an equatorial climate cradling a snowball and walking aimlessly,with absolute euphoria.
that girl made 2 more snowballs, and threw one of them into a wall just to see if it worked...And it did!hehehe... the snow started to melt, and so she went in with her 2 remaining snowballs, and popped them in the freezer. "let's see what happens"
I look around my kitchen. I see my toast on the floor, the oven mit slightly charred by the toaster, and my butter almost completely melted. But I felt happy. Nothing could've dampened my spirits. I felt at least 5 years old at that very moment. Looking out the window, hoping and eagerly waiting for it to snow again.
But even if it doesn't, i've got friends online, frasier on my laptop, and I've got snowballs in the freezer! =)
Winter worries
Hello there... Winter term holidays for people up here in the UK! A time when the weather gets cold enough that people begin to eagerly question "will it snow tomorrow?". A time when your flat/course mates pack up,pretend that going home is going to be awful,but once their parents/boyfriends/etc arrive,they give em a big hug and u just know they're happy. A time when sales are everywhere! n eventhough u don't celebrate xmas,all those cliche xmas movies prove to have an ounce of truth. And then u suddenly think of Puasa, Raya,or even just meals together back at home in Brunei, and you see ur friends all chatting/bickering away with family about to bring em home.you smile quietly,and watch them go,one by one.u watch as the halls gets emptier,bigger almost.u walk back to your room,feeling some relief that it's finally quiet,n u can get some of that work n reading done.5 minutes of useless reading,n u look outside ur door.listen for the sound of footsteps.no one,u r alone.n for 3 weeks.u go online,hope for familiar *virtual* faces.n there they are.some family,old friends,and perhaps a loved one.loyal people of my life.when the world lets u down,they won't.
