unreflectedsoul

How a little precipitation made my day....

The past few days haven't been the greatest. Back in Brunei, even when you didn't have anything to do, you had family, friends, a significant other, someone to make your day a little more memorable. Here,when you're alone, you're alone. When campus is empty, it really is. Even the fridges are raided and emptied. Your only form of entertainment (i.e. TV) is locked up in the same room that the vending machines (and therefore the chocolates) are! it is a sad case yes?LoL...well,of course there's reading,and the internet. Unfortunately these two cannot come together...because internet separates you from your books!EEk...but anyhow...The worst thing i guess is that no matter how hard you work, or how lazy you are, nothing good or bad immediately happens to you. There will be repercussions in the long run, but nothing at that specific moment will happen to you. You will not get rewarded or punished. You can't even talk to anyone (using your voice box) about these things, because everyone's gone. But for me, there are my loyal and good good friends who are online and care about me. Thanks Mel!you've been there for me at my loneliest times, and the worst times, and you made the most mundane days the best times for me. Thanks babes...I love you loads,and i owe a huge one!!(a huge favour and hug!hehe...)

It hasn't been all bad, but it has definitely not been all good. Being online and chatting is great. But it's when you lie in bed and realise that all you did that day was wake up, shower, eat and chat until it's time to go to bed. heck, that's what i'm doing now! Hehe...but yea..I've become, i don't know...alone. I must be the only one really freaking out about this whole 'alone' thing. No one else i know who's going through the same shit is freaking out as much as i am. Maybe it's because i've always been used to a full house. Plus, for those who don't know me, I am vErY talkative. Verbal diarrhea i tell you.

Anyway, for some reason, i felt worse today. i feel slightly ill, i think my hormones are messed up, and i haven't been eating healthily mostly because there isn't anything left in the fridge but cheese, mayo, eggs, and salad dressings.and shops don't open till wednesday...

i tried to distract myself, i try and call my boyfriend, the phone card is not cooperating...ok...try again...hmm...not working. After the 15th time, I was a little edgy,so i just called the expensive way. Then after a not so emotionally satisfying convo with him, i call my bestfriend in japan. we talk and I find out that she's doing way better than I am. Which is great. It makes me happy to know that, but I can't but help feel envious. Ashamed. Sad. And nostalgic.

I say my goodbyes, I hang up the phone, and *sigh*. Time for another convo with the boyfriend. hang up*sigh* Feeling slightly better. Go online, and see that everyone's somewhere, doing something, having fun *sigh*

Before permanently engraving my ass print on my chair while watching a little frasier, i decided to make some toast. As i waited with an oven mit, ready to catch the toast as it flies out of the toaster, my eyes wandered around the kitchen (as they say,a watched pot never boils) and landing my eyes finally on the view outside my window, i thought "great,it's raining..." but then i looked again...and i saw that it wasn't rain, it was a different kind of precipitation...it was snow!!!!

I dumped the oven mit, left the toast to fly, put on my shoes and coat (backward and upside down no doubt) hobbled down the steps and ran into the freezing cold. I spread my arms, tilted my head back and opened my mouth. Twirling as i walked, uncontrollably laughing. And i as i laughed and twirled, and tasted a melting flake on my tongue, I started to cry (honestly,my hormones are messed up). i cried and just breathed in the cold air. i was the only one enjoying the snow. i walked around my college, but very careful not to step in the snow. i stood outside for 15minutes, trying to make the best of the snow. And when it stopped i was sad. but then i looked down,and though there was only 5 millimeters of snow on the ground, i crouched down and scooped up as much as i could and sculpted it into a perfectly spherical snowball...my fingers turned blue as i admired the amazing phenomenon that sat in my palms. i cupped my hands protecting the snowball...cradling it...laughing and twirling expecting to see someone to tell them, "look look! it's a snowball! i made a snowball!" finally after a few minutes my body registered the fact that it couldn't feel my fingers anymore, and said, "fingers.pain." and i had to cradle it with my arms hidden in the sleeves of my coat.

i walked onto the pavement by the main road just to see what it was like...and it was white...white roads, white grass, white cars parked along the side of the road. One single girl from an equatorial climate cradling a snowball and walking aimlessly,with absolute euphoria.

that girl made 2 more snowballs, and threw one of them into a wall just to see if it worked...And it did!hehehe... the snow started to melt, and so she went in with her 2 remaining snowballs, and popped them in the freezer. "let's see what happens"

I look around my kitchen. I see my toast on the floor, the oven mit slightly charred by the toaster, and my butter almost completely melted. But I felt happy. Nothing could've dampened my spirits. I felt at least 5 years old at that very moment. Looking out the window, hoping and eagerly waiting for it to snow again.

But even if it doesn't, i've got friends online, frasier on my laptop, and I've got snowballs in the freezer! =)

posted by Yani Malai @ 9:31 AM