unreflectedsoul

i'm going to wake up tomorrow

the things that have happened haven't actualy happened. i'm still dreaming. i wish this was true especially now. i'm not sitting here in coffeezone sipping on my mochachino. i'm not listening to '3 days grace'. and tomorrow, when i wake up,i'll find that i never even wrote this post.

sadness is a strong feeling. a feeling that should be used as inspiration - among other things. it is a feeling everyone needs to feel time to time. happines is a feeling people who always feel sad, deserve. i am not one of them.

inspiration is something that can be used to expel the sadness. and it has not failed me. until now.

the words are like a wretching feeling. ure vomiting but nothing comes out. sometimes tears do that too. never knew that could happen.

i'm going to wake up tomorrow. i'll find myself in bed in singapore where this dream started. and what i did to deserve this will not happen. because i have seen what it will do to me. it will not happen because i will have the balls to stop it. it will not happen because i do not want to lose the perfection i already have. but a voice within me says it did happen. and u will lose what u had. u did throw away the happiness u didn't deserve to start with.

i did. this happened. but denial sets in and says that i've only gone crazy for a moment. that this is some sort of hallucination.

like my hallucination that i saw the prefection i threw away approach me.come back to me with open arms.but it was a lamp post i almost hit.

people might tell me(though i have no idea why they're even talking to me) that perfection will come again.and this time i might crash into it. but i don't want to get anything else.as lame as that sounds. i want what i had. and if it means i have to make concessions and compromises that are going to kill me, then so be it.

whatever it takes.

if hell is to pay for my sins, then this is it.

but what is it when ure paying for something u didn't do?(this is just a general question that popped up when i thot of how a lot of people get shit they don't deserve.you know who u r)

again, i am not one of them.

maybe the world spins because it was never balanced. but then maybe thats why its tilted.

it's balanced, but not by doing the opposite or the equal of what tipped the balance. it does what it can to compensate

so here i am. drinking the mocha that doesn't exist. writing the post that i didn't write. occupying the chair that is actually vacant. and living a dream that i made into a nightmare

i'll wake up tomorrow...

posted by Yani Malai @ 2:40 PM