emotionally attached to emotional attachment
What can i say? I hate being alone. Not just physically, but also emotionally. companionship is just really important to me. perhaps it's because i know i can't depend on myself. maybe i've never really tried.maybe that's what all this change is about. giving it a try. giving independance a shot. or maybe it's more of a stab at being lonely. loneliness, silence, emptiness, 3 things i don't think i can stand for very long. hell i can't even stand having a fag outside alone without something to occupy me for the mere 5 minutes. maybe it's a normal thing to crave distractions. i also crave for distractions to ignore. more specifically, people to ignore.
most people who are in some sort of relationship, with a friend, lover, or family member, think that that just means they're taking the other party for granted. that they don't care about them anymore. could be true. but what if it's just that they're so comfortable with them being there, that they treat them as a part of their life. the same way you would expect the bed u sleep in to be there at night just as you left it in the morning. n using the same idea, we have to ignore the want to lie in bed if we've got that important bit of work to do.
i work better around someone else's schedule than around my own. i've gotta have someone to say, "you have to do this by this time, and this before that time", so i can work around it. but once i've got all the free time in the world. or at least a whole day dedicated to me, m lost, confused, and totally unable to structure my day.
i am constantly in need to need someone or something. i constantly think of a person to long for. i spend those 5-10minutes outside having a smoke, and instantly i thnk of someone to call. then i look through my phone to find that victim to ring. and when i realise that all the 4 people i can think of are unreacheable, then i realise that as friendly and as open as i am, i guess in a weird way i don't really let many people in.
this post is getting very off tangent :p
okay, i might just stop abruptly right here and go off to bed. it's wayyyyyyy to late (early?) for all this thinking. and oh my God, Pocoyo is on TV :D
posted by Yani Malai @ 1:12 PM
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