unreflectedsoul

we don't really know what we want

Hello there! Ahh...the beauty of wifi...I can actually go online given i buy a $5 drink...or park strategically close to the wireless network *evil grin*

Anyhoo...I did some pondering the other day...because pondering is what i do when i'm driving alone at 8 in the morning with nothing to do for 2 and a half hours. yes, so i was pondering... and i pondered...and in conclusion of my pondering, i realised that we humans don't really know what we want. Ok, so maybe it could just be me, but i'm human,so perhaps i can speak on behalf of the whole civilisation. yea, well, we humans always pray or wish for better lives somehow. however small, the want for it is there. take myself for example.Ever since i was a kid-listening to the romantic tales my parents told of their love in the days of yore-i've dreamed of being with someone who i've known for years. my bestfriend, someone i have a lot in common with.you know, my supposed 'other half'.

i found him a few years ago. what i liked, he liked.what i did, he did.like, we had everything in common!i was so excited at first, then it got kind of freaky... okay, really freaky(lets hope he's not reading this). so yea, i got freaked, kind of annoyed,but through the whole thing i gave the impression that this is exactly what i've always wanted. well, it was, wasnt it? yea, but i freaked, and no matter how much we had in common, we didn't understand each other. so it didnt work out. so now i'm in a stable relationship with a guy i've had as anacquaintance for i dunno like 4 years, but never really spoke to. we have almost nothing in common,i got to know him for 6 months before we got together, and hey, i'm happy. 'THIS is what i need' i thought.

there's this other example that might make me seem less shallow, trivial and superficial, but i don't wanna go there. basically it's like, i've always wanted all of my own space, and once im really close to getting it, i realise that i love my life exactly how it is.

you know, this post is starting to sound like it should be titled 'we're (Or more specifically, I'm)never happy with what we've got'... maybe so... but to put that aside, don't you think it's true? its kind of the reverse of 'we don't know what we've got until it's gone'.

well, i guess i've gotta go now...i'll see ya around. ada tu nanti.

posted by Yani Malai @ 10:14 PM 1 comments

"dude...what happened to us man?"..."what?"...wat happened to those simple times?"..."dude, ur 20, its called growing up man..."..."oh...cool"

yea, what happened to all those simple times yea? when all u had to worry about was ur parents finding ur report card. or ur allowance getting revoked. television privelages restricted. hahahah

i mean now it's like, ur worrying about where ur moneys gonna come from. to pay for ur easi card, the fuel for ur car, etc. yea well, its not like its a bad thing. part of growin up rite? pretty cool

freaky too. heheh...man i miss school. i actually miss bein a student. can't wait to go to uni.yes im a geek...lovin' it.

u knw, with all this free time u begin to feel lke home is really the place for u.u look around and u no longer see walls of restriction, u see walls of comfort. u see ur parents not as parents but as people and friends ure gonna miss. u sit down for lunch and feel sad wen its just u

i mean i know not a lot of u may feel like this.plus u dont really know my situaton at home
my bro's autistic so it's alot different than other homes with normal siblings.

he's not a hassle, nor a burden, but a responsibility. a responsibility we must sincerely want to take. otherwise, forget it. u can't be part of this family if u don't. its not a bad thing mind you. he's wat glues this family together. out of necessity or whatever, it works.

if ure gonna be angry with every single member of the family, u just physically cant be mad at farid. he's just impossible to be angry at u knw?

n sumtimes i think that his non-verbalness is wat makes me feel like he's my best buddy. all u gota do i sit there. talk to him, play with him, cuddle him, hold him. and whatever he does, it's like, wow. ur problems go away coz u realise he's got it worse. i mean hes got the pleasure of being blissfully ignorant, but its worse for him coz he can understand us, but we can't understand him.

he's not handicapped by the way. he's wat we call socially impaired. autistic children are usually non verbal, but not deaf, they are physically normal as well as mentally, but they have no social skills, and unless u can break the barrier of communication (via other means than talking) then thats wen we can teach him to speak, read, be socially acceptable.

anyway...yea, my bro's awesome.

makes me not wanna leave home ever

well, i gtg. i'll update. not gonna say 'soon'. but i wll update some time
see ya!

posted by Yani Malai @ 3:41 PM 3 comments